Coping With Grief

Coping with the Loss of a Beloved Pet

Loosing a pet can be a very emotional time, particularly if children are involved. Here are some tips to help you get through the worst times.

The Bond with Your Pet

I felt overwhelming grief when I received the phone call informing me of my faithful dog’s passing. People who never owned a dog or loved a pet simply didn’t understand my endless tears. Their comments, such as “it was just a dog,” absolutely infuriated me.

A Loyal Companion

She wasn’t just a dog; she was my comrade, my best friend, the one who made me feel safe at night, who was always by my side and loyal beyond any comparison. I grew up, left home, and bought her. She was part of the biggest changes and challenges in my life. Then, without warning, on a beautiful Friday morning, she was gone. I was devastated.

A Unique Loss

Growing up with pets, I had bid farewell to a few along the way. However, Jazzy was different; she was my dog, my first dog I’d owned independently of my family. Even today, the sight of a chocolate Dobermann brings a tear to my eye and probably always will. Her loss prompted me to research some things you can do to help ease your pain—no matter how ‘silly’ some may deem you. The loss of a pet is genuine grief. These are real emotions, and here are some tips to help you through.

Saying Goodbye

If you can, say goodbye to your pet. This can provide closure. Being with your pet when they pass over, offering a reassuring voice and a cuddle, can help your animal transition into the unknown world. Don’t be afraid to express your emotions. Many times, I have helped my family members say goodbye to their pets, and we have all shared tears with wonderful veterinarians and nurses alike.

Remembering the Good Times

Take some time to remember and talk about the good times. Find all the photos and put them in an album. This is also a great way to help children remember the good times. Plant a tree and even get a ‘memory stone’ or plaque. It doesn’t have to cost anything. Our beloved cat is buried beside their favorite tree, and the children have painted a ‘special’ rock in memory. If you live in an apartment, consider having your pet’s remains cremated. Today, there are many wonderful options with specially designed wooden boxes that can be engraved with messages and names. Speak to your veterinarian as they can help you organize all of this during your time of sadness.

Helping Children Cope

There are some wonderful children’s books that can help explain to a child what is happening. One of my favorites is “The Sunshine Cat” by Miriam Moss and Lisa Flather. This book was instrumental for my children when we lost our beloved Siamese (even though it was terribly difficult to read without shedding a tear). Be open with your children and let them see that you are also sad. Remember, this is probably their first encounter with death and immortality. Teach them that it is okay to be sad about a lost pet and not to push those emotions away or hide from them. Offer big cuddles, finish with smiles, and share good memories to help them through this sad time.

Another great book is “Jasper’s Day” by Marjorie Blain Parker, which is about a boy saying goodbye to his dog. Picture books are a great way to help younger children understand what is happening. With older children, offer plenty of hugs and encourage them to talk to help them deal with their emotions.

Considerations for a New Pet

Don’t rush out and purchase another pet to fill the void of your lost animal. It will take time to heal and say goodbye. It is always best to fully address these emotions before inviting another pet into your home. Remember that putting your grief and emotions on your new arrival might invite a whole host of problems in your home. Make sure that when you are ready for a new pet, it is because you want to make an addition rather than fill a void; this will make all the difference.

Effects on Other Pets

From a personal perspective, after losing my beloved dog, her companion (a beautiful German Shorthaired Pointer, Bronson) was spoiled to the core. We were so sad about her loss that we over-compensated with Bronson, not realizing we were making him feel very insecure. He had lost his ‘leader’ in his pack, and then her ‘leaders’—being us—were falling apart at the seams and letting him do things he would never be allowed to do when Jazzy was alive.

Within a matter of days, he became a very anxious dog, scared of loud noises and sounds (after all, he had no intention of being a leader, and he surely didn’t want to deal with those sounds!). He would literally shake with fear at the sound of a smoke alarm…you could even hear his teeth chattering in his mouth. Once we realized what we were unconsciously doing to Bronson and his feelings of security, we reinstated the rules, resumed training, and he quickly settled into his new role without his big sister.

A BIT ABOUT THE BLOGGER:

Nadia Crighton is a well-known and accomplished Australian Journalist and pet magazine Editor. As a busy mum of four humans, two dogs, 50 sheep, three cats, a handful of chickens and a goat named Billy, she simply adores pets of all shapes and sizes.

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